Planet of the Leps: Beginnings Series Book 27 Page 11
“Yeah, it should be fun. How … how did you figure out who it was?”
Frank flipped open the folder. “Take a look.”
Joe cringed. “I did.”
“No, look closer.”
“Frank ...”
“Do you need a magnifying glass?”
“No, I don’t need a magnifying glass to look at a penis.”
“And that …” Frank said. “Is why you don’t know who it is?”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“You’re looking at the penis.”
“What else am I supposed to look at?”
Frank’s finger tapped the picture. “To the left of the erection. What is it?’
Joe leaned and took a closer look. “A dresser.”
“And on it?”
“I’ll be damned. It’s a picture.”
“Only one of two people would have that photo on the dresser. And one of those two has chubby fingers.”
Joe looked oddly at him.
“Nothing to do with the penis, more so the hand holding it.”
“Okay, okay,” Joe cringed again. “But why? Why send a picture to Andrea.”
“Jealousy, rage, wanting you maybe. Power trip. Evil. Who knows, but it was a two person set up. And I am going to get the truth.”
“Two person?”
“Yep.”
“It’s one penis.”
“One person to pose, the other to send it.”
“We already know it comes from Gemma’s phone. Who sent it?”
“Gemma.”
“No, someone got a hold of her phone.”
Frank shook his head. “Gemma hates Andrea. At least I think so and she thought, what better way to shake her up than to send her something obscene. Like this.” Frank held up the picture. “Even sent a little note about it being adorable.”
Joe pushed down the picture. ‘You think she sent it on purpose?”
“I do. She’d not that God fearing, donut baking woman. She’s someone that sends this.” He lifted the picture again.
Joe, again, lowered it. “Where’d she get the picture?”
“She had Ben …” Frank lifted the picture. “Do the honors.”
“So you think that’s Ben and not Todd.”
“I do, the fat fingers and if this was taken yesterday, Todd was stuck in Bowman and wouldn’t have the picture with him.”
“He might.”
“He could, yes,” Frank said. “It’s Ben. He’s a spiteful person. Hates Andrea too. So when Gemma approached him he was happy to do so.”
“Uh, huh.” Joe nodded. “Now you’re gonna confront them.”
“I am.”
“Be gentle and have tact, in case it was an accident.”
“Dad, please, this was no accident. No one that doesn’t have a penis accidently sends a penis picture. But I’ll have tact.” Frank opened the door.
Ben from Fabrics and Gemma sat in the chairs before Frank’s desk.
“Frank, why are we here?” Ben asked.
“Is this …” Frank whipped out the picture. “Your penis?”
Ben shrieked.
“Christ, Frank, tact.” Joe said.
“Yes. Yes, it is.” Ben sobbed.
Frank snapped his finger. “Gemma, give me your phone.”
Without being fazed, Gemma handed it over and crossed her arms.
Frank scrolled through the messages. “Look at you being all smug. A ha!” Frank showed Joe. “From Ben, the infamous penis picture with the message, ‘Will this work’, and she forwarded it …. To Andrea asking her if it was adorable.” He put down the phone. “My God, I’m disgusted. To do something like this to poor innocent Andrea.”
“Frank,” Joe spoke up. “Maybe there’s more to this.”
“Like what? A vagina?” Frank asked.
“Frank ….”
“Set of boobs.”
“Frank!” Joe blasted. “That’s not what I meant.”
Ben released a sob. “I feel humiliated. Ashamed. My manhood has been exposed.”
“Oh, knock it off,” Gemma snapped. “You and I discussed this the second we saw Frank’s poster. He’s smarter than we thought.”
“I am.” Frank nodded.
“Wait.” Joe held up his hand. “You admit sending the picture to Andrea.”
Gemma nodded.
“Gemma, I don’t know what to say,” Joe said. “I’m shocked. Why?”
Frank answered. “Maybe because you didn’t expect her to send a penis picture to your wife.”
“Huh?” Joe asked confused. “What are you talking about?”
“You said you were shocked,” Frank said. “And didn’t know why.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Dad, you need to start explaining better, that’s the second time in a minute you said something you didn’t mean. And they said I’m senile.”
“Who said you’re senile?” Joe asked.
“Roy.”
“Roy said you’re senile?” Joe asked. “He’s full of shit.”
“No, he said I am. He’s the smarter version of Dean. No worries, he’s gonna give me a pill to make it go away.”
“See if he can give you a smart pill.”
“Dean tried that, remember? It wears off.”
“I see that.” Joe turned his attention to Gemma. “Can I ask why you didn’t delete the messages?”
“Why would I, Joe?” Gemma lifted her hands “It was a mistake. It started with him.” She pointed at Ben.
“It was meant for Todd’s eyes only,” Ben said. “He was in Bowman, wanted a picture of me and I sent him a photo of my gentleman. I asked if it worked.”
“But he sent it to me by accident,” Gemma said. “I told him ‘not for me’.” She snickered. “Then Trish sent a picture of an adorable hat and I thought, I should forward that to Andrea.”
“But you sent the penis picture by accident,” Joe said.
Gemma nodded. “I ran to the clinic but it was too late. Andrea was hysterical. Then when I tried to explain it to her, she accused me of covering up for the man who was laying in my bed. The nerve of her. So I said screw it, let her think what she wants.”
“We didn’t mean to cause harm,” Ben said. “She …” he pointed to Gemma. “Wouldn’t let me confess. She said Frank would figure it out.”
“I did,” Frank said proudly.
“Okay.” Joe handed Gemma her phone. “That’s it.”
“Wait,” Frank said. “It’s done, right?’
“It’s over,” Joe said.
“I solved the case?”
“You did.”
“Yes!” Frank clenched his fist.
Joe started to leave.
“So … wait. I can take down the posters.”
Joe skid to a stop. “Posters as in plural?”
“They’re all over,” Gemma said.
“The social hall,” Ben added. “Clinic, containment, Church …”
“Jesus Christ, Frank. How many did you put up?”
“Um, not many …” Frank shrugged. “Twenty.”
“You put up twenty wanted posters with a penis on it?”
“Suspect.”
“What the hell were you thinking?”
“That I needed to catch a criminal.”
“You’re an asshole,” Joe shook his head. “Take them down. Now!” Joe stormed out.
While his office was just a short distance from Frank’s, Joe had to calm down. He couldn’t believe that Frank didn’t see anything wrong with the fact he hung posters everywhere. How was Joe going to face the community? What would he say? How would he even begin to defend such a stupid obscene move?
If Joe thought he would have time to think about how he would handle it, he thought wrong. The second he opened his office door he was greeted with a room packed full of people. The second he stepped in, they all started shouting at him.
“People!” Joe yelled and then whistled.
“It’s okay.” Joe patted him on the shoulder. “What is going on?”
Jenny broke through. “This!” she held a poster.
Joe cringed.
“Did you see this, Joe?” Jenny asked. ‘Did you?”
“Ya.”
“They are all over town,” Jenny said. “Did you know?”
“I just found out. I am very sorry.”
“How long has this been going on?” Jenny asked.
“I believe just today.”
“Joe, what …”
The door opened and Frank walked in.
“There.” Joe said. “Ask him about it. Give him hell.”
“What?” Frank asked, cluelessly.
The voices of the crowd pelted him with questions.
“Should we shut down our phones?”
“What should we do if we get a text like this? Report it?”
“Are our children safe?”
Joe’s head spun. “What, wait? Whoa!” he shouted. “What the hell are you people angry about?”
Jenny replied. “We have someone sending penis pictures. This has to stop.”
“And you’re not upset about the posters hanging all over town?”
Jenny gasped. ‘Oh my God, Joe, no. Frank is doing his job.”
“I am,” Frank said. “And I did. Done. Over. The suspect has been caught and dealt with. He said it was an accident, but I will be monitoring him from here on in.”
“Like your own sex offender registry?” Dan asked.
“Yes.” Frank nodded.
“No!” Joe shouted. “It was an accident. What the hell is the matter with you people?”
But Joe’s words were lost and buried in the residents’ praise of Frank. To find sanity, Joe could only think of doing one thing … leaving his own office as well. And he did so mumbling, “Only in Beginnings.”
<><><><>
Hal was home. Even if it were briefly, he was back in Bowman. Not that he was gone all that long, but the circumstances of his absence were difficult. His best friend, his right-hand man was fighting for his life.
Admittedly, Hal didn’t think too much about what was happening in Bowman and if things were running smoothly. He had Owens and George was filling in. It took a lot of his mind. Plus, he remained in constant contact.
Still, he had to check in. Go to his office and see if there was anything he needed to do.
When Hal walked in George was staring at a map of the United States. Hands folded behind his back, George actually dressed like Joe, a crisp button-down shirt and dress slacks.
Hal cleared his throat.
George turned around. “Hal, glad you’re back. How was the meeting?”
“Frank was there.” Hal shut the door.
“Enough said. At least he’s still alive.”
“Johnny is on him constantly. Plus whoever else my father probably has tailing Frank.”
“That’s a challenge.” George said.
“We did discuss locking the time machine, great idea. Jason is working on it. As much as I commend your theory it is more than one person, I’m still sticking to it’s a solo assassin.”
“We’ll find out.”
“Hopefully, before they hurt Frank.”
“They won’t hurt, Frank.” George walked from the map and lifted his coffee from the desk. “I didn’t disturb much.”
“I wasn’t gone long.” Hal smiled. “How were things?”
“Easy. You run a tight ship.” George sat down at the chair before Hal’s desk.
“When I was a young boy, well, thirteen,” Hal said, sitting down. “I met a General once after this invention convention. He asked what I wanted to be when I grew up and I told him I wanted to be the man that brought back the Horse Soldier division of the Army. The old cavalry.”
“Big John Wayne fan?”
“Huge John Wayne fan.” Hal rocked back some in his chair.
“How many men do you have? I know you have a house of Lesbians.”
Hal chuckled. “As of right now? Nine hundred and twenty-three. One eighty are in training. We used to do it all here, but the basic portion of it, Doyle does it and then they come here to learn horses and swords.”
“Amazing.”
“Thank you.”
“You know, I have tens of thousands of soldiers.”
“I do.” Hal nodded.
“What would you say, Hal, about really making that dream come true? You have nine hundred, what about nine thousand?” George asked. “Let’s put together a major division of horse soldiers.”
“Wow.” Hal snapped ford “That would be a lot of work.”
“Never knew a Slagel to walk away from a challenge. You’d have to design a program and pick instructors.”
“I will give that great thought. Speaking of the word great … I suppose the new division and you staring at the map all has to do with the Great War.”
“Yes, it is bothering me.” George stood up. “According to Roy, I was dead in his time line. I keep hoping and thinking that my presence will have a positive impact.”
“You think too much like my father, and we know he made the error. Danny rebooted and rescanned the system. The twenty-four hundred are still there.”
George nodded. “It’s like knowing there’s a confrontation coming. In the old word we had Intel, we knew stuff, little stuff that had huge playing power in stopping major conflicts.”
“Unfortunately, this is not the old world.”
“Danny Hoi is trying to bring it back.” George stared at the map. “This big beautiful country is about to go under fire and we don’t know how, when, or where.” He shook his head. “I wish to God we did. Imagine what we could do. I mean, imagine what the Navy would have done had they knew Pearl Harbor was coming.”
“Some say they did.”
George shook his head. “It was lost. Lost in some sort of bureaucratic mumbo jumbo and it never crossed the right eyes.”
“Much like this.”
George turned around. “What do you mean? What information is lost? Are you talking about what Roy knows?”
“More so about what Roy has and won’t give up,” Roy said. “Apparently, seventy years from now Danny Hoi writes a book and details everything from start of plague to beyond the Great War. All mistakes, everything in there.”
“Are you shitting me?”
Hal shook his head. “Nope. But Roy won’t give it up. Won’t let us read it. Says he doesn’t want to influence the future. I say he has. We can keep the positive, change the negatives.”
“Let me get this straight. There’s a book, here, right now, that gives us the map of the Great War and we’re not doing anything?”
“What is there to do?” Hal said. “He won’t give it up and I am not going to steal it from him. If I push it, I am afraid he’ll destroy all but the one section that proves he made the right decision to fake my father’s death. So I won’t mention it or push the issue.”
“Hal Slagel, you are one of the great military minds and you are not thinking on this one.”
“What do you mean?”
“There are times that you have to be upstanding and honest and there are times where the good of the many outweigh the needs of a skinny, geeky intelligent clone.”
“You want the book.”
“We …” George emphasized. “We need it.”
“Roy won’t give it up. How to we steal it without him knowing.”
“We don’t steal it. We simply….” George lifted his shoulders. “Borrow it, copy it, and learn it.”
Hal nodded in thought. “Might be easier said than done. He probably hid it. I knew where it was a couple weeks ago, I had it in my hands and never realized what it was. But now … I have no clue.”
“Yes, we do.”
“How?”
George
tapped his watch.
Hal smiled.
<><><><>
Danny Hoi rolled and weaved the translation ear piece through his fingers like someone would a coin. He stared at it, watching it as it moved across each of his digits.
He had stated he had enough of Dean’s taunting and immediately following the meeting he took off to find Dean. Robbie, of course, had a choice. Go to sleep, find Frank and see who the penis person was or follow Danny.
He was glad he followed Danny.
The confrontation was smug and Robbie had never seen Danny show jealousy, but he did.
He found a sort of demented enjoyment in Danny’s reaction.
Dean was dramatic about revealing what it was that Henry figured out. Danny was in disbelief.
“There is no way,” Danny said, looking at the piece he held.
“I’m telling you, he figured it out and it works,” Dean said.
“It’s beyond anything,” Danny stated.
“It works,” Robbie reiterated. “You can try it. He wouldn’t talk much, said he is waiting for the leader of the primal, whatever that means.”
“I think it’s us,” Dean said. “And the leader I think he means Frank. I called him.”
“No way.” Danny shook his head. “Henry is smart, not smart enough for this.”
Dean shrugged. “He figured it out. What can I say? Ellen said it was easy for him. One look and he knew.”
“I wish you would have shown me first,” Danny said. “I would have liked the opportunity.”
As much as Robbie enjoyed Danny’s dismay, his phone was ringing and it was Hal. Hal never called unless something was going on. “Hey,” Robbie answered the phone.
“What are you doing?” Hal asked.
“Dean just told Danny that Henry figured out something from the future LEP’s shit and Danny is having a fit. It’s so great.”
“I’m sorry I’m missing it. Listen, before you say anything, I spoke to Jason, he already started prepping the time machine to lock up. So it’s a no go.”
“You act as if I know what you’re talking about, Hal. I know Dad put you in charge of planning …”
“No, that’s not it. I have a favor to ask and it is only to be between you and I. Okay?”
“No Frank?” Robbie asked.
“Not on this one. Not yet.”
“Okay, cool, brother bonding. What is it?”