By Way of Autumn Read online

  Miranda was a guard at the prison. A middle-aged woman who called me by my first and last name. “Tessandra Lordes. Good to see you. How’s that growing bulge?”

  Growing bulge. As if my rotund belly was a product of beer.

  She seemed nice enough; then again, I wasn’t a prisoner.

  After checking in, we arrived in the visitor room. A big room, where everyone gathered with their family. Nothing was private. We were allowed to have one brief kiss and hug when we got there. I wished with all my heart, I could give my hug time to Tag.

  He sat near as he could to Nicole. She looked good. Her long dark brown hair was shiny, and not pulled back. The last two times we visited, I worried. She looked pale and had been battling some sort of stomach flu.

  “How’s Daddy?” she asked.

  Every visit she asked and every visit, I hated responding. “He’s good. He’s busy and …”

  Nicole held up her hand. “Don’t make excuses for him, Marmie.”

  Marmie.

  That was what she called me for as long as I remembered. Out of respect for her own mother, she never called me ‘Mom’, so she grabbed the closest thing to it.

  Tag called me that, as well.

  “You got big,” she said to me with a nod of her head to my stomach.

  “Yeah, I think I popped this week. Still so far to go.” I rubbed my stomach.

  “Is he kicking a lot?”

  “Oh, yeah. Maybe I just feel it more, because I’m old.”

  Then Julie and Tag started talking, I just sat back and watched. Nicole was absorbing it all. But she was doing something I hadn’t seen her do in a while. Genuinely smile. Not a forced one, or brief one, a genuine look of peace.

  “You look good,” I told Nicole. “It’s good to see you smile.”

  “I got two bits of good news,” she said. “Wanna hear?”

  “Absolutely. I love good news.”

  “First … we got approved for a family visit.”

  Julie shrieked with delight, so did Tag, I was speechless. A family visit was something Nicole had to apply for. Since she had a son, she could get a family visit or at least apply for one every six months. They were visits that were in apartment style settings and the visits were for about thirty-six hours.

  It would be our first one.

  “When?” I asked.

  “September. I’m so excited. You’ll be really close to your due date though.”

  I waved out my hand. “Doesn’t matter, you have a maternity ward here, right?” I winked.

  Nicole laughed.

  “And the other news?”

  “I heard from the Watsons. Joel Watson.”

  My heart sunk. “What ... what do you mean, heard from him?”

  “He wrote me.”

  Joel Watson was the husband of the young woman Nicole struck with the car. I saw him at the sentencing hearing and like he did with the news, he was screaming for justice. I couldn’t imagine what this man had to say to Nicole. She sobbed and apologized that day, over and over.

  “What did he want?”

  “Want?” Nicole shook her head. “Nothing. He wrote to let me know it was time to forgive myself, because he had forgiven me.”

  “Oh my God.” Immediately emotions welled in my throat. “I’m happy for you. How do you feel about that?”

  “Glad. Relieved. I don’t know that I can easily forgive myself. I know I won’t ever forget it or stop getting that knot in my gut when I think about it. I’ll just learn to live with it. It makes it easier knowing he forgives me.” She released a soft chuckle. “Funny. A man I don’t know, a stranger who hated me, forgave me, when my own father can’t.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “No, one day he will. I believe that.”

  Quickly, I reached over giving a squeeze to her hand, and retracted before the guards saw. I wanted to repeat that whole cliché that it was his loss, not hers. But that wasn’t true. Not having her father’s forgiveness or love was a huge loss to Nicole.

  I then switched the conversation. Nicole was starting to get down, thinking about her father. Tag needed a good visit with his mother, and time was short. The news about the family visit was good. Plus, it gave me time. Hopefully, by autumn, when the visiting day came, Jeff would find it in his heart to join us.

  FOUR – STALLED

  July 9

  Check out time was eleven am, and I had every intention of getting up and on the road by nine. What little items we brought were already in the car, and all we had to do was brush our teeth and go.

  My body, however, decided it wasn’t going to obey the agenda.

  I pushed it; I knew it. The pregnancy was hard on me and would only get harder. I couldn’t do the things I wanted to do. Even working part time at the grocery store hit me hard.

  We had an early dinner the night before. Too early, by eight p.m. I was starving, and since we got such a great deal on our dinner, I ordered a pizza. Tag was bouncing off the walls from all the soda and when Julie and I made the error of binge watching episodes from Season Two of Living Dead, Tag took it as a slumber party. I think he passed out somewhere during episode four.

  I debated on sleeping. After all, the sky was getting light by the time I said, ‘enough was enough’. Knowing that Jeff was out of town, I opted for sleep.

  And didn’t wake up.

  Of course, the wakeup call never came. Not an unusual occurrence for ‘The Hideaway’. Often times I thought it was Stan’s way of getting that dollar a minute from those who checked out late.

  When I finally woke, and saw that we only had ten minutes until check out, I sat up in bed. “Shit.”

  My swearing caused Julie to immediately wake. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  “We slept in. We have ten minutes. We have to …” I swung my legs out of bed and stood. When I did, I felt the pinching on the left side of my back. It caused me to pause.

  “Mom? What is it?”

  I exhaled through parted lips. “Just a pain. God, I hope it’s not another kidney stone.”

  It felt like that pain and I was hoping it was just the way I slept. I had kidney stones and they were bad enough, having one pregnant would be worse.

  Snatching up my clothes, I raced to the bathroom, instructing Julie, “Text your dad, tell him we got a late start.”

  When I emerged from the bathroom, I saw a puzzled look on her face. “What’s going on?”

  She held up her phone. “Text won’t go through. We had a signal last night.”

  I lifted my water bottle, took a drink and grabbed my phone. “No bars.”

  “Wonder why.”

  I shook my head and then I thought about it. “It’s the ninth.” I cringed. “Bet the phone is cut off.”

  “Mom,” she whined.

  “I know. I’m sorry. I’ll deal with it when we get home. Go peek out the door to see if Stan is lingering.”

  “We still have five minutes.” Julie walked to the door, opened it slowly and looked out. “We’re good. I don’t even see the maid.”

  “Oh, good, let’s get out of here before he negotiates minutes with us.” I pointed to Tag who was still sleeping. “Grab him, put him in the car. I’ll be right out.”

  Julie obliged. I grabbed the small items in the room, including our bag of chips, since we weren’t getting breakfast, and with one minute to spare, we were in the car and pulling out of the lot.

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  Stopping for a late breakfast wasn’t an option, but lunch was. I promised Julie that we would hit Rose’s Diner as soon as we got into town. I was hoping though, she would want carry out. Truth be known, I wasn’t feeling well. The pain in my back came in cramping waves, my stomach fought nausea, and I started to sweat. I didn’t need to be a doctor, I had experienced it several times before; I was going to be passing a stone. Of all times for Julie not to be a good driver, that pull over just off the interstate couldn’t come fast enough.

  “I have to pee,” Tag called
out from the back seat.

  “Can you hold it?” I asked. “We’re almost at the pull off.”

  “I have to pee bad.”

  “Well, listen to some music, maybe it will take your mind off of it.” I reached for the radio and turned the knob.

  Nothing.

  I pushed the presets then hit scan, but the numbers just scrolled through.

  “Mom?” Julie asked with concern. “Why is there no radio?”

  “I don’t know.” As if it would make a difference I kept hitting buttons.

  “I have to pee.”

  “We’ll stop in a minute,” I said. Then it dawned on me. Was it my imagination or had we not seen that many cars. The normal steady flux of traffic was reduced to an occasional car zipping by us on the freeway.

  No. It was my overactive imagination. Everything was fine.

  I shut of the radio chalking it up to being my car, and inwardly cheered as we drove off the exit. At a safe distance from the highway traffic, I pulled over, and put the car in park.

  “Julie, can you grab Tag and take him over the hill to go?”

  “Sure. You okay? You look pale.”

  “I’m not feeling well. It’s a stone. I know it. You’re gonna drive though, okay?”

  “Yeah, sure.” She stepped from the car and opened the back door, unbuckling Tag.

  “Take him a good distance,” I yelled.

  “I know your fears. I will.”

  I watched as they stepped over the guardrail and then down the small slope. After checking my side mirror, I shut off the car and stepped out. Walking would help, move a little.

  There was an unusual quiet about the day and I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. I walked to the passenger side of the car, and glanced over the hillside at Tag and Julie.

  When I turned, I heard the frantic beeping. It broke the silence in a frightening way. Looking to the road, I saw a pickup truck moving down the highway. Not super fast, but steadily, not stopping and he headed right toward me.

  I was frozen in fear. It was something I visualized many times. The truck horn was steady, a warning of sorts and at the last second, I snapped out of it and moved quickly. It was just in the nick of time, too.

  The truck swerved only a little, but enough to side swipe my car before it crashed into the guardrail.

  Julie frantically shouted. “Mommy!” Surely she heard the crash.

  “I’m fine!” I looked to my right to see her holding Tag on the other side of the guardrail. “I’m fine. Stay there.” I held out my hand and raced to the truck.

  The driver’s side door opened and Josh Mason jumped out. The young man was hysterical and frazzled. “Oh my God. Are you okay?” He ran to me. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened.”

  “I’m all right. Are you hurt?” I asked.

  “No. I don’t think so.” He ran his hand over the top of his head. “I don’t know what happened. I was coming around the bend and my truck just died. It died. It wouldn’t steer or stop. It took everything I had … I’m sorry.”

  “No. No, honey.” I reached to him. “No one was hurt. We just need to figure out how to get back.”

  Then from behind me, as if the accident never happened, bright and chipper, Julie blurted out like a teenager, “Oh, hey, Josh. How are you?”

  Is she flirting right now? Right now? I thought, and then peered over my shoulder to face her, possibly even scold her.

  That was when it happened.

  Everything brightened. A brilliant, blinding white light blanketed us, causing everything to appear polarized. At the same time a static and sizzle sound echoed across the valley. My feet wouldn’t move and for a split second, I swore I couldn’t breathe.

  Josh’s eyes widened as he looked beyond me. “Oh my God.”

  The sheer look of terror on his face, sound of his voice, told me, it came from behind me, probably west. Even though I was fearful, I spun to see.

  The sight knocked me back and I immediately grabbed for Tag, bracing him in my arms.

  I wasn’t sure what I was looking at or what just happened. Was it a bomb? A meteor? I didn’t know.

  Clutching Tag and my daughter, pulling them close, I prepared to say goodbye to my life and everything that I loved.

  It was the end. I was certain.

  Whatever occurred in the distance appeared to have erased everything on the horizon and replaced it with what looked like nothing less than a wall of fire.

  FIVE – ROLL OVER

  Something clicked in me. Holding Tag and Julie, staring out at what I believed was my destiny to die, a switched flipped.

  It all happened in seconds, I went from resolving my life, thanking God for all he gave us, asking Him to make sure it wasn’t painful for the children to screaming inside, ‘I want to live!’

  My fight to survive instinct kicked in.

  If indeed that line of fire were to roll our way, the only chance we had was to take cover. Clutching Tag, I spun, yanked Julie and cried out. “Over the hill!” making my way to the guardrail. I knew the hillside wasn’t that steep, perhaps if we ran down, it was our only hope.

  Julie hurriedly climbed over, I handed her Tag, and as I raised my leg, that was when I realized, it wasn’t as easy for me. It was a struggle with my stomach.

  “Run,” I yelled at her. “Take the baby, run, and get down.”

  From my peripheral vision I saw Josh, easily go over the guardrail, and before I knew it, stuck somewhere in a mid straddle, Josh hoisted me up and pulled me over.

  When he set me down, I lost my footing and slid down the hill some, feet first.

  The bottom wasn’t that far, maybe thirty feet. A gradual slope, and as I reached the bottom, we all got down, staring up to the road.

  Waiting.

  Waiting for whatever would either rollover our heads or down the hill. I breathed heavily, scared to death, but refusing to show it for my family. The fireball never came. It was hard to gauge how long we waited, for all I knew it could have been only seconds. But long enough that Josh stood.

  “Where are you going?” I asked.

  “I have to see,” he said. “If it isn’t here by now, then it’s moving slow. I have to see where it is.”

  “What if it’s right there?”

  “Then I’ll know,” he said and crawled up the hill.

  “Why we hiding?” Tag asked me. “Are we playing?”

  I glanced at Tag, then at Julie who was petrified.

  “No, baby,” I answered. “We’re being safe.”

  “From what?” he asked.

  How to answer? What to say? I just didn’t know.

  “Mom?” Julie looked at me, face red. “What’s happening? Is it war?”

  “I think so.” Peering up, I saw Josh get to the guardrail and step over. Where was he going? What did he see?

  I waited. Crouched down as close to the ground as I could get. My anxiety caused the baby to kick and kick again. Just as I reached down to my stomach, I got the gut wrenching thought, ‘My God, if this is nuclear war, what about my baby?’

  “Here he comes,” Julie said.

  Josh came down the hill at a good pace and held out his hand to me. “Let’s go.”

  I used his hand as leverage and stood. “What did you see?”

  “I didn’t see the fire. I did see black, possibly smoke, I don’t know,” Josh said,

  Julie asked. “Do you know what it was?”

  “I’d be guessing,” Josh replied. “But it’s out west. Could have happened close, far, perception could be off. But let’s get off this hill and try to get home.”

  He was right. The best way to find out answers would be to get back to our town. It was thirty miles away. I could have been overreacting, it could have been just a gas explosion that was close. But there was no rumble, no noise.

  We climbed back toward the roadway. Josh’s truck may have been useless, but we still had my car.

  SIX – ROAD HOME


  Josh needed to get a few items from the truck before we headed back home to Falcon’s Way. He retrieved a backpack, toolbox, bottle of water and other items from the cab of his truck. Just to be sure, he tried starting it one more time.

  It never even made a noise.

  While he did that I examined the sky.

  Had I imagined the large wall of fire? Perhaps my eyes played tricks on me. Josh had mentioned smoke, and I did see a huge layer of black clouds forming further west. It was impossible to tell how far or how close. The fire was gone.

  My car started without incident, and I didn’t think about that at all. I just needed to get home. Something was happening and we didn’t know what.

  I inwardly felt that sense of urgency laced with fear. I tried hard not to project that to the kids. No longer did my side hurt or back. The flash in the sky was an instantaneous cure for my kidney stone. Or a temporary one.

  Tag continuously asked what was happening and Julie started to sound panicked.

  “Mommy, what’s going on? I’m scared.”

  “I know, sweetie,” I said.

  Josh hopped in the front seat after tossing his items in the back of the SUV. “I didn’t see any tire damage. You should be fine steering.”

  “Let’s hope,” I pulled out onto the road. “And your truck just died?”

  “Everything, just died.”

  I reached for the radio. That was when it dawned on me. The radio hadn’t worked all morning. “Josh, does your phone work.”

  “I wasn’t able to get a signal. I was rushing, so I didn’t think that much of it.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “I hung out at a friend’s last night, had too much to drink and slept in the pickup. When I got up, I just needed to get home because I was late for work. I tried to call my boss, but the phone didn’t work.”

  “What about now?”

  He lifted up in the seat to reach in his pocket. “Weird. It’s dead.”

  “Dead?”

  “Like no power at all.”

  I lifted my eyes to the rearview mirror.”Julie, check your phone.”

  After a beat, she replied. “Dead.”