Sleepers (Book 5) Read online

  So much life was lost that day. My son, my husband. Who would think—I certainly wouldn’t—that fate would give me back life.

  Pain was delivered in big doses and they were recognizable. Happiness and joy came in bit by bit, and until I looked at the whole picture, I couldn’t appreciate it. I didn’t remember a single day, other than Christmas, that made me look around and say, ‘Life prevails. Life goes on. I have gone on. I will genuinely smile again.’

  Our Harvest Festival did just that.

  From the moment we stepped out into the yard right after breakfast, it was community, family, and despite the fences surrounding us, I felt free.

  My children ran, sat in the grass, ate food, and played games. Jessie was the hayride person for the first two hours, until I made her stop. I missed Beck and wished he were there, however, Alex told me it was a big day in the Reckoning. I prayed for his success and knew he was with us in spirit as much as we were with him.

  *

  Everyone had gotten their individual pumpkins for the carving contest. The plan was, carve your pumpkin, set it out and at night, we’d light them, Sleepers be damned. They were there, out there, I sensed them.

  “There’s two out there.” Alex pointed. “They keep coming in and out.”

  “That’s only two,” I said. “I’m sure the tower sees them.”

  “They do. They think there’s more. Not a lot, but more.”

  “We can handle them,” I said confidently.

  “I know. I’d just rather be ready.”

  “Why don’t you let Miles take watch?” I suggested. “You've been walking around and need a break.”

  “Nah, I’m good. He’ll be on in a little bit,” Alex replied. “I got this side, Sonny has the other. I got a new guy on guard tower and I’m nervous. I’ll feel better when Miles goes up there in an hour. Then I’ll take a break.”

  “Look at the kids with the pumpkins,” I said. “It’s the whole family, Alex. You aren’t there.”

  “I’m twenty feet away, I can see it all. Trust me, I’m watching.”

  “Okay, so you’ll join us tonight when we break out in song?”

  “Yep. And Mera?”

  “Yeah?”

  “You look real cute in that shirt.”

  The purple maternity shirt was more than only a shirt, it was bright new clothing for my bright new outlook.

  We had a huge area all to ourselves. I sat down and absorbed it all while everyone was around me. Danny worked diligently on some sort of demented looking jack-o-lantern, carefully placing his pumpkin innards in a bowl. Phoenix and Keller were aided by Ed. Of course, the two boys were completely covered in pumpkin guts. Renee wouldn’t be able to use their pumpkins insides. I wouldn’t want her to.

  Jessie had the most trouble removing the insides. It made her squeamish and that in turn made me and Danny laugh. I loved that moment. I could only see the back of Jessie’s large pumpkin, it was an arrow when she turned it around. It was magnificent. The eyes were good, the nose, and mouth and all around the face, she used black marker and drew a beard.

  “Jessie, that’s very good,” I told her.

  “Randy made Beck, I made Alex.” She smiled proudly. “Alex the pumpkin head.” Then she giggled.

  “Alex,” I called. “Look. Jessie made you a jack-o-lantern.”

  Jessie said, “Alex the pumpkin head.”

  Alex gave a thumbs up. “Thanks, Jess.”

  “It’s going to win,” Jessie boasted. “It will look very pretty when we light it.”

  “It will.”

  “No,” Danny teased. “It’s not better than mine.”

  “Danny is bad.” Jessie stuck out her tongue. “Mommy can I put it out now? I’ll find a good place.”

  I looked around. Those who were finished were already placing their pumpkins in various spots. “Um, yeah, just remember where you put it so we can light it when it gets dark.”

  “Okay.” Happily holding her pumpkin, Jessie stood. After she walked away, I glanced to the babies. “Oh, Ed, you are gonna be so sticky.”

  “It’s fine. I’m having fun.” He looked over his shoulder then back to us. “How’s that going, Danny?”

  “Awesome,” Danny said focusing on his pumpkin.

  “I wonder how many of them will burn and wither,” I said then noticed Jessie. “Where the hell is she taking that pumpkin? Jess!” I yelled. “Not that far.”

  “I want to make sure I know where it is!” she hollered back.

  I shook my head with a laugh. “She won’t forget where she put it that’s for sure.”

  Ed glanced over again to Jessie, looked back at me, then instantaneously, his eyes widened, in almost a frightened tone, he whispered, “Oh God, the moment.” He jumped to his feet. “Jess! Away from that fence.”

  “Ed?” I said as if he were silly. “The fence isn’t on.”

  “Jess!” he yelled.

  Danny glanced up. “What the hell?”

  I shook my head. Ed ran like a bat out of Hell across the grass to get to Jessie, calling her name.

  Jessie stopped, waved, and smiled at him, then continued her pumpkin placement.

  I called once more to tell Ed to calm down, but he had gotten too far away. Boy, was Ed gonna laugh when he realized he panicked unnecessarily.

  Yes, Jessie was right at the fence, but it wasn’t on. We all believed that.

  We were wrong.

  Jessie stopped at the fence with her pumpkin, smiled at me and bent over to set it down. When she did, her back barely touched against the fence at the same time Ed reached for her.

  A loud zzzzttt sound of electricity blasted out with a crackle and pop and Jessie and Ed flew up and out ten feet from that fence.

  My daughter landed hard and lifeless on the ground. My ears filled with blood, I was bowled over by a tsunami of emotions that took my breath away. My mouth opened and I screamed, but no sound emerged.

  For a split second in time, I was frozen in horror and my heart stopped.

  21. Sonny

  Bill Blains had just walked over to me, told me to take a break and enjoy my family. My first inkling was to get Alex or to tease him that I was going over to hang out with the kids.

  No sooner had I walked over to Alex, than I heard the familiar and frightening surge of power. It didn’t quite register until Alex screamed a heart wrenching, “No!” He shot by me in a blur, his feet pounding the ground.

  “Shut down the fence! Shut down the goddamn fence!” Alex yelled as he ran.

  The fence wasn’t supposed to be on!

  I raised my radio and shouted into it, “Deactivate the fence!” as I took off after Alex.

  It never did register that it was a serious incident and that someone was actually hurt. It should have. Little did I know I was about to cave in emotionally so much that I had no reaction at all.

  I wasn’t far behind Alex and I before I even arrived with him, I felt it and saw it.

  Mera gurgled out this cry that was deep and chesty as she dropped to her knees.

  Danny’s hands went to his head and he was turning in circles crying out.

  Voices meshed together.

  “Get Javier!”

  “Levi!”

  “Michael! Someone find Michael!”

  Then I saw Jessie.

  No.

  I, too, dropped to my knees right by Mera.

  “Everyone get back!” Alex screamed and rolled Jessie over. “Someone get Ed some help.”

  Ed was lifeless as well.

  Frantically, with a groan seeping from his chest, Alex felt Jessie for a pulse.

  “No, baby, no. Jess,” Alex pleaded. “Jess!”

  There was no response.

  Immediately, Alex focused on saving her, on bringing her back. It was apparent the second he began CPR that Jessie wasn’t breathing. She didn’t have a heartbeat.

  Bonnie arrived like everyone else. She screamed. I heard her, yet didn’t see her. I was too busy watching Ale
x. He’d breathe into her, then do compressions.

  Mera grabbed my hand while Danny sobbed, cries of anguish and confusion.

  I wanted to scream.

  Alex worked on Jessie diligently and I kept thinking, Where is the AED? Where’s Javier? Levi? Anyone?

  Others were working on Ed.

  I was confident in Alex. No one with that much hope, passion and emotions would fail … could fail.

  Michael finally arrived. “Someone get the children out of here! Now!” he ordered. Then he grabbed on to Mera. Her hand slipped from mine as she fell into his arms.

  I hoped that Michael was pulling in some favors. I don’t think there was a person standing around watching Alex that wasn’t praying.

  Alex stopped. “Sweetie, please,” he begged.

  Then Jessie coughed and gasped. I swear every ounce of my breath escaped me at that moment.

  Alex sat back, his head hung low in relief. Battle fought and battle won.

  Jessie opened her eyes and Mera scurried to her.

  “Baby, baby are you ok?” Mera grabbed her hand. “Mommy loves you so much.”

  “Mommy,” Jessie whispered, staring at Mera, and then Jessie had this odd, peaceful smile. “Daddy’s here. Daddy’s here for me.”

  Her smile stayed, yet her eyes closed, and her head slumped to the side.

  “No!” Mera screamed.

  “Oh, God.” Alex reached and grabbed Jessie. “No. No. No. Jessie. No!”

  Immediately, Alex went back to trying to resuscitate Jessie. He worked hard, so hard, to bring her back.

  Everyone chanted, begged and pleaded.

  Please, Alex, Please. Do it. You can do it.

  Help her. Please.

  It was Alex. He did it once. He could do it again.

  The seconds turned to minutes and the minutes kept passing by. Alex didn’t give up. He kept going, pleading, trying.

  Each compression did nothing but move her lifeless body. Jessie didn’t respond. I was certain with each breath he delivered to her he wished with all his might it would be the one that worked, that brought her back again.

  I don’t know how much time had passed, though it was enough that they had removed Ed and taken him somewhere. The children were gone. Now there were only the sounds of sniffling and sobbing.

  Javier approached Alex. “Alex,” he said gently, “stop.”

  Alex didn’t.

  “Alex, please.”

  “I can’t lose her.”

  “Alex, she’s gone.”

  Alex kept doing compressions.

  Finally, Javier shouted, “Alex, enough!” He lowered and softened his voice. “She’s gone, Alex. She’s gone. You’ve done all you could.”

  Alex inched back and Mera and Danny moved toward Jessie.

  Mera whimpered, “No. No.” She scooped Jessie into her arms, bringing her daughter into her chest, holding her.

  It was a starting bell of agony that rang throughout the community. Not a person didn’t feel or hear it.

  I couldn’t move. My heart broke and crushed right there. Oh my God, Jessie died?

  Danny… Danny was too much for any of us to witness.

  His pain amplified our own. The second his mother curled Jessie’s body into her chest, Danny fell next to them with a scream that echoed across the courtyard. An indescribable scream of pain. I felt it; it hit me as if it were a physical object.

  Then Alex weakly he reached out. His hand fell to Mera’s head, slid down, and he stood. His legs wobbled and he made it only two steps before he collapsed.

  Big, strong, tough Alex, an emotional steel curtain, folded right there and then and it said it all. He encompassed the meaning of pain.

  He dropped to his knees, arched his back, and curled to the ground face first. His head buried to the earth, his fists struck over and over and Alex sobbed.

  A broken man. A broken family.

  I wanted so much to have it all be a bad dream, a mistake. It wasn’t.

  We had all lost.

  Our Jessie… was gone.

  22. Alex

  I had nothing left.

  Nothing.

  I had lost my parents, but I had never felt a pain like I did when I lost Jessie. The immediately empty spot was a hole in my being that caused a gut wrenching pain that wasn’t even alleviated with screaming.

  My God, did I want to scream.

  Where did I fail? How did I go wrong?

  I had her, she came back and then, almost as easily, she slipped through my fingertips. Every attempt I made I prayed, I begged, I bargained.

  Take me. Please just take me. I’ll give my life if you just let her live.

  That didn’t happen.

  They covered and lifted her body and I didn’t even see where they took her. It didn’t matter anymore, Jessie wasn’t with us.

  It wasn’t fair.

  Damn it. Why?

  For years she was a part of my life, every day, every hour. The thought of Mera’s pain only cramped my insides even more. Beck, too. What was I going to tell Beck? How was I going to tell Beck?

  This was a nightmare.

  I didn’t move from that spot. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to, I just didn’t know what I would do, where I would go.

  The electric fence being on was an error of a new person on tower watch. My fault. All my fault. Why didn’t I take tower watch? I wouldn’t have charged that fence over a few Sleepers.

  The new guy Tim did, and I could only imagine what he was feeling. Two people hurt. One dead. Ed survived only because he was physically stronger.

  Randy came to me, tried to talk, said he had the kids. He and Renee were going to keep them while we processed it all.

  Processed? How the hell do you process the loss of someone you loved so much?

  “Alex, come on,” he said. “Come inside.”

  “I can’t,” I said. “I just can’t.”

  He set a bottle of water by me, placed his hand on my head while I sat on the ground.

  “I’m sorry for your loss.”

  Sorry for my loss. The words were so easy to say but they didn’t make a dent in the pain.

  Truth was, I couldn’t face Mera and Danny. I was supposed to be there for them, and I had failed.

  All of their pain was my fault and I didn’t blame them one bit if they never wanted to speak to me again.

  All I saw when I shut my eyes was Jessie. That poor young girl who was so full of life was motionless and white. Never again would I see her trot with pride across the field. Never again would she make fun of me. I could barely make it through the hours, I couldn’t even imagine how I would make it through the next days.

  And what of Mera? If my pain was that great, poor Mera.

  Sonny came to me as well. “Alex, you can’t sit out here all night,” he said. “It’s been hours.”

  “I know.”

  “I tried to radio Beck.”

  I lifted my head and looked at him. Seeing Sonny triggered another wave of pain. He loved Jessie, too. He was there every day for her, like I was.

  “I didn’t reach him. I left word,” Sonny said. “I don’t think we should tell Beck. I think we should ask him to come home. What do you think?”

  “I can’t think,” I said. “I don’t want to tell him.’

  Sonny exhaled loudly. “I don’t either. I think it’s better to tell him in person.”

  I nodded in agreement.

  Sonny then said he was going back in and asked me again to join him. I declined.

  I didn’t know what I was accomplishing by staying out there. Maybe a part of me was hoping if I stayed long enough it would all be a dream. I didn’t know what to do. I was lost. The entire situation should not have happened.

  Maybe if I stayed outside long enough, I would become so cold, it would numb some of the pain.

  “Alex.” Danny’s voice cracked as he said my name.

  Hearing him caused my heart to skip a beat and ache with each pulsation.
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br />   Danny sat down next to me. “Dude, what are you doing?”

  I opened my mouth to answer, and my jaw tensed up. My eyes glossed over and I dropped my head. “Danny, I’m sorry.” I brought my hand to my face. “I’m sorry.”

  Danny sniffled and then I felt his hand on my back. “I’m sorry too.”

  Blindly I reached out and laid my hand on his leg.

  “Alex, I don’t know why you are sitting out here, but it’s killing us that you are. Killing us, okay?” Danny’s words quivered with emotion and his effort to not break caused his words to squeak. “You did all you could.”

  “I failed you. I failed your mother. I failed Jessie.”

  “You didn’t fail anyone. It was an accident. An accident. I saw how hard you tried. It means the world to me. I also know why you tried so hard. It was Jessie.”

  I tried, God, did I try not to break down.

  “My loss… my mother’s loss … it’s your loss, too. We lost a member of our family today. Our hearts are broken. Right now as a family we need to be together. You staying out here in pain alone… it’s not right.”

  “I can’t face you guys. I can’t. I let you down.”

  “No, staying out here alone is letting us down,” Danny said. “We are inside grieving our loss. We are inside as a family and we need you there. You are part of our family. We’ll get through this together. It’ll be tough, but as long as we are together, we will get through it.”

  Danny reached down his extended hand to me. I grabbed on to his hand, and using his strength I stood, immediately embracing him. It felt good to hold him, I needed to do so.

  “I love you, Danny.” I kissed him on the cheek. “Know that, okay?”

  “I love you, too, Alex.”

  My face tensed and all of my emotions crawled up my chest causing me to tighten my lips to keep me from breaking.

  He placed his hand on my back. “Let’s go inside.”